True Self-Care Is Internal
Oftentimes, when we hear the phrase ‘self-care’ we think of something external that we can partake in—doing a yoga class, getting a massage, taking a long bath, writing in a journal. And while all of these are great practices and can be beneficial for our mental health, true self-care—this idea of really, truly looking out for ourselves and our well-being—is internal work. It’s not an action item that you can check-off or an activity you can do to become more productive; it’s something you embody.
According to renowned author and psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, real self-care is “an internal, self-reflective process that involves making difficult decisions in line with our values.” When practicing self-care (especially for women), Lakshmin claims that we should focus on four things: setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, aligning our values with our behaviors, and learning to exercise our power (by this she means pausing and deciding if you want to say yes, no, or negotiate, and understanding what the cost of your decision is).
To me, doing a yoga class or writing in a journal are excellent lifestyle tools. But the tricky thing about tools is that they can often turn into an escape from what’s really going on inside and/or they can turn competitive. True self-care isn’t an escape and it isn’t competitive because it’s forcing you to go inward and adopt principles that will stay with you through all seasons of life.